What an Idiot!

My brother is so retatred he smakcked me in the mouth and said he wouldnt care if I die and he hjoeps I move. I am tired of him. he is so gross we started to fight cuz i asked him where my mom is and he didnt answer me properly and i said well i am tired of taking care of children who arn't mine. he siad it is responsiblities but they are not mine. then sunday he was talking to me and i said his underarms stink and he tried to kill me he tried to make me sniff them and then monday i spilled out thhings i shouildnt have. He need to just answer me when i am talking to him and when i am not shut up.

WHY ME?

I hate how i am so random on subjects sometimes. i hate how i forget like each second. i hate how i will be like saying something important then forget or when i am trying to think of what i forgot and i see a blank piece of paper in my head.

I only want my way!

I got written up today but usually that teacher doesn't write me up because he says i have a mind control thing i can control his mind. well thats nice is all i say. he tries to talk to me when i tell him not to so i cry WHAT lol.

Back In New Mexico

I wqent to Oklahoma for a couple of days I saw the college I wanted to go to but am not quite sure anymore. I saw camp concslers and it was nice and I felt so happy my heart popped out my ear. lol. no that is too silly. yea i was like am I dreaming?

Uh oh this is bad.

ok i shoukd have just done what i was told. ok well i was in mrs pacheco's class and i was reading ( i know ME read?) (the book was about an abusive father ok) and mrs. pacheco had been reading a story where we were suppose to take notes on and i wasn't paying attention so when she asked for them and i said i didnt do it she is like do u need the book? i am like no. i am not going to do it. then she walked away and was on the phone. she had said katherine go see the counsler i am like why? she is like cuz explain to her why ur not doing ur work in my class and i am like i dont want to go see her. mrs. pacheco is like fine she wiill come get u. i continued to read and then the counsler said katherine come here i shook my head no. so then i guess she alled for luna but wast answering to had to get mr garcia. so then boith luna and garcia were there cuz luna came cuz she heard it on her walkie talkie or whatever. i 4got to mention there was this one boy who gave her attiutude and was absoultly horrible. so ms lun called me and said let's go to my office. then she said wait go in the class let me talk to this adam ( the boy disrupting). so they did and i was now going with her to her office and i told mrs pacheco its not a big deal and she is like it is u havent done any thing the new 9 weeks. i said so it isnt like i am being like adam. i could be but i am not going to be. so mr garcia left and the counsler, principal and i were in the principals office. Luna said why are u acting differently u are usually happy and you were this morning what happened. I am like nothing happened. They are like so what do you want to do? I am like read. So I went in the counslers office to read. I wrote in my journal and then it was lunch time. I had to be escorted who knows why? I stood outside the cafeteria then the person that walked me is like go inside get a tray.I shook my head no and she called Luna. Luna is like u don't want to eat? I said no. Then I started to shake my foot it was getting faster. So luna told the escorter to leave me alone because I am ok there. I was getting angrier. It is cuz basicly I was frozen and that isn't good we will just say. Then a-4 came along thecounsler said for me to stay with her. I wrote her a note about the day about how I don't see how it was a big deal. Then she is like is someone hurting you? I am like no, not anymore and it sorta slipped. About a week before I had told her why I like attention you know unless I am mad I hate it. She had asked me do you want new parents? I am like no I spoke so fast I didn't hear myself think. IT WILL DESTROY MORE THEN WHAT IS ALREADY DESRTOYED is what I think. Then I though maybe ataying with family will do me good but it won't work out I just know it. I dont want to stay woith people I dont know. It is scary. Then paeople tell me to ak these two people but I am like no it is rude I wouldn't want to impose. So I don't know what to do.

DragonFly had a party that was so fun.

My friend Dragonfly had a party at the gallary of pecos. She is awesome. We played limbo (almost broke my back), and had a drawing contest or whatev it's called. lol. halloween is tmorrow i am not so much excited i don't want to go trick or treating but then I do. I am tottally out of it so g2g.

I'm a bratty little princess

for halloween. lol. I consider myslef a princess and bratty so why not put it together? I am being someone I am instead of someone I am not. LOL. It will be fun.

this is me.

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)

I think I might have this. Someone told me today to look this up. I am like why what is it? She said just look it up because I think you may have it. I am like is it bad? She read me a little about it. I am like oh my gosh. Then when I looked it up online, I am like wait I have most of these symptoms. What do I do? So I am not sure. Hopefully I will know soon. It can be treated but, it will take time.

What's happening with the teenzies?

Oh my gosh. We have some who can't attend anymore or only once a week we have some who jusr don't know and some who don't want to do it. We lost one for sure, one can only come once a week, one doesn't want to, the other has a situation which is understandable. We lost one and earned one. We ave a new teenzie member which is Nikki. She jumped right in the group. She is like not the type to isolate herself and I like that. She is new an gives us her ideas. Well the other day I was like so MAD cuz I saw it wasn't working. How we had everything and it just in a blink went away. Now we have options. We want to help charity. We have like four or five people who are going to help us and get us involved as volunteers. To help kids in our community and kids that are not in our community.

My mom

I luv my mommy. Except yesterday she told me she doesn't luv me (in a joking way). I said fine then I am moving out (dramaticly). She told me BYE. Her own daughter and I am only 14 years YOUNG. I was shocked. I am like I can't live out ther by myself. It's fun to joke with her though.

I am glad I to to hang out with one of my favorite people.

Yesterday I got to hang out with dragonfly. It was only 30 minutes or so but it is better then nothing. I told her how I've been and all. She was babysitting this adorable little one. Even though the little one drouled on my neck it was great. We basicly just sat down talking most of the time. I got to see her dog again. I missed that dog. Bella is the dog's name. She has innocent eyes. Dragonfly's dog sorta looks like the dog from the little mermaid. lol. Thank you dragonfly for the invite.

BRATTY KATTY!

ok well I am bratty katty for a reason. I'm katty and bratty. It's either my way or NO way. If I don't want to lets say color as a clss assignment in color pencils and I want to use markers I ask if they say NO I say ok then NO work. It really bother people. Hmm. Anyway it happened this week I didn't want to paint I wantd to use crayons so I didn't get MY way so I didn't do anything. The teacher was mad. She hates when I am like this. I miss T mama. (tears). Our sub is so boring, rude, and just annpying to me. I mean don't getme wrong I am annoying but I'm not boring. I am a princess of my own.

I danced on saturday well both my friend cit-cat and I did. We did great. Here is a picture of us almost ready to perform.

Teenzie mama where did you go?

I'm devastaded. My favorite teacher Ms. Duran's last day was today. She is also the teenzie mama, or as she said T mama. LOL. Well I know she will be happy. I also know she will still keep in touch with the teenzies. WHOO! teenzies rock. She knows we love her. Well if she reads this. Just tell me if you are happy and what you are doing ok.

I planned a party for my sponsor!

OK well my group and I decisded to have a bake sale to raise money for our organization and I thought dsince our sponsor is leaving why not throw her a party to show we care about her. We just got to let the principal and staff in on it. We did it. I bought cake soda and plates inc. Two of my friend bought chips. Oh i brought the dip too. Well so the counsler played a part in on it and said her son and one of the members in my group were fighting. My sponsor is like no way. When my sponsor walked in we yelled surprise and she is like OH MY GOODNESS! She asked why we did it I am like cuz we luv ya. Then I was asked to speak as an individual and I didn't know what to say. So I just said I will tell you why we did this. We id this because as much as we don't want you to go we do because we know you will be happy and that will make us happy and we care for you. She teared a little and gave me a hug. Then my friend Roxy tralked and my sponsor is like roxy I think that is the most I heard you talk. I am like grpup hug and my sponosor is like WAIT you guys are all using deotorent right? We are like yeah and she loved it. I was dramatic and talked in both a elegent accent and surfer guy accent it was fun. lol. she enjoyed it alot. lol. Well she knows we luv her and care for her.

I am bored now.

I am currently at my aunties wating for my mom to take me and my cousin shopping. I need more clothes. lol. My mom is cool. I have school tomorrow on tuesday. Today is a holiday so I didn't have school today. I am sick. I have a cough, a cold and my throat hurts. I can't smell or taste my food. I don't like to be sick. lol oh well right?

I have this ex-boyfriend

I have this ex of mine and he wants to get back together. Do I say yes? I really like him and all but he broke my heart so bad. We went out for 7 onths. I know that is a long time. I broke up with him 3 days before my birthday. What a great gift right? [no I was devastaded]. He lied and he cheated. I still would like him to givehim a second chance but if he does it again and I say yes again it will be continuously. I like how he acts like a gentlemen for me though. Aww his eyes are so amazing.

SOME OF MY FRIENDS DON'T STOP!

I have this huge secret and some of my friend keep getting on my case. I have this friend named vanessa and this friend named Diane. Diane is my mentor who I care for so much. Vanessa keeps getting on my case. If someone is going to get on my case it is only one person who is Diane. I trust her the most besides another person. I don't like my friends to tell me to stop doing this stop doing that. Wait I know I tell them that but it seems different. Isn't it? Isn't it different? Well to continue on Vanessa keeps emailing me that my secret seems unreal to her. However, Diane knows it is in effect. What do I do? I wish I could tell Vanessa just to stop but it's not that easy. Vanessa is my frined not my enemy. Diane can talk to me but not anyone else because Diane's words help me not just make me think to be worse.

I am so sad

My friend said her last day was on thursday she is moving. we have the same name and think alike sometimes. LOL. we have some blond moments together and our laughs. well we will keep in touch. My weekend is alright I went to Las Crucas just got back. I saw my little munchkin Halia who lives in texas. I saw her at a maze it was ok. It was mostly for little kids. well at least i had my cousin. lol

NOTHING IS RIGHT NOR WILL EVER BE!

Nothing seems right. This is not me. Who am I? I am confused. I feel so lost like all alone. I am not though I have all my friends here with me. I don't remember who I though I was. All I remember is being strong with my head held high. Now look at me my head looking at the floor. I am weak. It is like there is nothing else here. The world is so big but will I ever find the right place? No I don't think I will. Well what do I do? I know I got to keep everything together but I can't it is to much.
My friend is right I always focus on the hurt. She wrote a poem just for me. It is talking about me. I can't understand the person I am to be. How all I want to do is focus on the hurt and cry. God gave me wings so I could fly. How I feel like dirt. How one day the clouds will open up. Then the light of the sun will fill my cup. Those are acuall parts of this poem. here it is:

Why can't she see the girl she is meant to be?
God gave heer wings so she can fly but all she wants to do is cry
and
focus on the what hurts. She feels like dirt.
But one day the clouds will open up and the light of the sun will truly fill her cup.

Doesn't that melt your heart? It is all true all of it. This poem is so true and pure. She made this all for me.

SOMEONE HELP ME FIND MYSELF!

I'm lost and confused. What is the point of life? I hear to live and die there is no point of life. It is your job to find that out. What is it? Sometime I think well yeah to live and die. Then I think to fnd a way to praise in what I believe in. I don't know the right answer. I feel like this world is so depressing. I don't want to be in a depressing place. Today a friend of mine had said she was leaving. I already have one going to leave soon. My friend and I are breaking up. We are seperating it is not cool. Who is next? I am only staying at the school I am for this organization which I am Co. Leader sort of like a vice president. If it wasn't for that grpoup I would be long gone. SERIOUSLY! I am tired of life already.

I think I am going back to the bad

I think I am becoming the old me and it's not cool. I don't want to become the old me it was depressing and I feel that way. I am losing energy, don't care, and am rude most of the time unless I feel like being nice. I don't know what is wrong with me. Well acually I do but I don't know. I my secret is like using me as a robot sorta. It is the one who is controlling me and it's not ok. I feel like I need to get back to the energy girl that nevered stopped but I can't. There are two people in me. Abad one and a good one. The bad one is saying go for it be the bad one. The good one is saying No what about your future? The bad one says I have no future. Who do I listen to? I am going towards the bad one and not the good anymore. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? I don't know what to do.

Yesterday I thought my friend would get mad

I wasn't sure if I should let my friend see the poems I had wrote because some were mean and most of them were about her. I let her take it home and today I am like are you mad at me because of what I wrote. She's like no. How could I be mad at you for writing the truth? I was glad she wasn't mad at me. I care for her so much though. I mean she wrote a poem back to me in the journal and it melted my heart. Everything she wrote was so true and had a lot of meaning. I am glad she is my friend but ever since I told her my secret nothings is right. I see a look in her eyes that I've never even seen before. Well I have but not like that. I saw a concerned look in her eyes and she even told me herself she is. I think to myself I shouldn't have told her. Then I think I can't hide anything from her. She always knows everything. I bet she didn't know the new secret. She was close but didn't hit the right key yet. I just wish she would understand why my secret is controlling me. Now I feel lazy, not much energy and I think it's because this secret is controlling me to much. Oh my gosh! My friend was right. It is controlling me. Ok well I always ignore her like she is wrong but she is always right. I owe her an apology wow. I am realizing everything now. I guess I am as mean as she says or acually meaner. I feel bad.

I am so sad

ok well I told a freind a secret I have wanting ot share with her and it is like too much. I know she is not going to pretend what I told her isn't said. I know she is concerned and I am fine and my problems are mine. Its just I wish I could tell her the aswer to everything and I can't. It hurts to have her even say a word about my new secret. I don't know what to do.

CAN U BELIEVEMY OWN FAMILY?

ugg my mom is so mean. Frogs aremyfavorite animal and my mom ismakinf froglegs fordinner andonly my little brothernathanielisrefusing to eat them beside me I am goingon a hunger strike and if it doesnt work im gonna become avegatarian. at the moment i dont care about correcting this or grammer. ugg my own mother. One ofmy mentors adopt me now be my foster mama. My own family how sad is that. I do have tears and it breaks my heart to see them eat frogs. My mentors have ate frog legs before they said and it gets me mad but not in front of me. my brother says it tastres like chicken ugg i feel like smaking him upside his head.

OK on Saturday I was helping a friend with her Yard Sale

I was helping my friend with her Yard Sale and she asks me all these questions and some I answer no even if the real answer is yes. I feel bad for lying but I can't let her know the truth because I'm afraid she will give me a bad reaction. I know she cares for me and wants to know if I'm honest with her and I know that she knows when I'm lying to her itslike no matter what I say she will know the right answer. I just don'tlike todiscuss something I'm not readyto share with her. It probably hurts her a little and I apoligize to her but its not enough for me. I mean she says yeah I forgive you and I know she really does but it doesn't help me feel better. Maybe I would feel better if I told her the truth ALL the time but NO I hold back. I shut down, and ignore. I don'tlike when she tells her friends that I give her alook as if she is stupid. Shesnot stupid at all. She tells her freinds I ignore her and when she asks me something I hear her but don't answer. I know I do but I don'tknow what to say or am better off ot saying nothing at all. She said if I were her daughter and didn't listen she would shave my head. I am like igg how mean is that. My mommy wouldn't do that to me. I wish I could tell her everything the moment it comes instead of holding back and stop any bad reaction. Unfortunatly I don't have that power. I tell her she is mean and she says so am I. I asked her when was the last time I was mean to you? Shes like this morning when you gave my friend a bigger hug. It kinda slipped out but I said NO thats jealousy. I was mean again I didn't mean to say that though. She thinks i'm like nervous all the time because I'm always like walking around and moving my feet and I can't stop. I do that when somethings on my mind and won't go away till I resolve that or forget about it. The look in her eyes though. Its like she knos I'm hiding something.

I feel so sad

I don't know today is a confusing day for me. I feel its time to release something I havebeen holding in for a while and its making me feel low. I feel I don't belong here at this school but my group and my brothers and sisters (friends) need me. So I can't go but I can't be here its like a hateful place. I mean alot of people are rude especially to the nice people. It is not cool. Some of my friends get mad because I correct them with their grammer. It happened today but one fo my sisters (friends) told that person who was complaining this is me and this is the way I am. It is true. There is something else though but it will be gone soon. Like tomorrow then I will be better when I tell somone.

My Munchkins and Me a New Mentor

I have a lot of little friends I mean I'm a Freshman and I have a lot of little munchkins. They are in different grades some are so adorable. Otherslike theolder ones have a great personality and have so much potenital. I like them to think of me as an example. I had two mentors and now that I have moved up to a different grade I have one but very soon I won't have one. Now its my turn to be someone's mentor or more like all of them. There are a lot of those children but I know I can do it and I work great with kids. Especially the littlest ones who look up to the bad examples. They might say something wrong but the younger they are I can teach them better so they can grow into the habit not to say those bad things. The older they are I have to constintly remind them and they are starting to get the hang of correcting themselves with their bad lanuguage. Its weird how they listen to me though no one does really except like four of my friends. They apoligize and the little ones can use there manners it so sweet. There is this one little one whos name is Amanda but she tells me to call her manda so I do she is using her manners well and I love to see improvement it makes me smile. I'm glad they try. Thats a big key. Sometimes when they are bad I go into my "won't listen until you respect people" mood till they apoligize and they do especially if they really want to tell me something. There is one thing that's like WHOA.... I have like 25% of my munchkins on my bus and they sometimes fight with each other when they want me to sit with them but when they fight I sit with a different munchkin who's not yelling at me. If I sit with one they are arguing with they get mad and say I don't care for them I'm not their friend. I might want to sit with a 5th grader that day and they have to understand that I can't sit with them everyday. Even when they throw that fit I know they will get over it. I know because I use to be that way with my mentors and if I was mad at them or mad at someone else and shut down they knew I would come to them eventually when I am ready. Sometimes I still do that I admit I hold a grudge.
I miss my munchkins a lot I mean my other 75% who I don't get to see almost everyday . That makes me sad but I'm still their mentor. Since I won't have a mentor anymore I realize its time to let go until my mentors and I meet again. I have doubts we won't but my heart tells me otherwise.

To All my friends

you rock kiki, jona, leeann, dragonfly, rox, alex, tj, Catherine, and all my other friends.

Many people say I'm lucky and here is why they say that

This is sad because people always tell me I'm lucky. Its not that great believe me. My parents don't understand everything I try to tell them.

Everyone says I’m lucky hearing impaired parents would be the best
I wish I could put them to the test

Not being able to call for mom or dad
Its pretty sad

It ok because I’m glad my mom is mine.
Even though I get frustrated from time to time

When I want to talk to my mom I have to go and look for her
that’s for sure

I can’t be like “HEY MOM COME HERE”
Its like oh yeah she can’t hear me oh dear

So please don’t tell me how luck y I may be
Its not all great I wish you could see

I dont know why I feel this way

I feel like my friends and I arn't the same and some people have veven turned their back on me. Some expect the old me thatI'll go back that way NO I WILL NOT GO BACK that way.

Last year my friends and I use to get along so easily
Its just now I feel like we are separating

I ask them why they say its me
That I’ve changed you see…

Last year I was the bad one
I use to mess around

And not get anything done
I would get mad for not having good grades.


Then I stopped … I thought why don’t I have a good grade?
I don’t TRY am I afraid?

Then the summer came and I have learned how to accept god not reject
I believe I chose the right path

I know I’m losing some of my friends because of the way I am
Well all I have to say is tough luck I’m not going to change

I don’t like to be bad
It makes me feel very sad

Why can't some people just behave?

My school is filled with people who think they run the school and they are in my grade level. They act like they can do what they want. They can't though. Well I wrote a poem for those guys. I just don't understand why they take everything as a joke. How are they suppose to get the credits they need if they are messing around?


Why can’t you just behave? Why are you guys that way?
You just do what you want or what your friends say.

Have you ever thought what you want in the future?

If you have big dreams they are not going to happen magically.
You need to do good in school and treat everyone fairly.

I mean all that tripping and kicking? that’s not cool
To be honest with you it makes you look like a fool

If you don’t want to be that fool
Then try your best and get through school.

Why I changed

Last year I use to be the bad student but then I had bad grades and I had thogh why do I have bad grades? I realized it was time to grow up and stop acting like a little kid. So over the summer I have accomplished that big change. I have manners, have respect, get things done, do extra credit, and don't mess around in class.

I just learned how to comment

i learned how to comment today thats awesome but i want someone to comment me. lol

I don't know what a post is on here

its just i'm extremelly bored and more bored and still bored and am still bored now.