SOMEONE HELP ME FIND MYSELF!

I'm lost and confused. What is the point of life? I hear to live and die there is no point of life. It is your job to find that out. What is it? Sometime I think well yeah to live and die. Then I think to fnd a way to praise in what I believe in. I don't know the right answer. I feel like this world is so depressing. I don't want to be in a depressing place. Today a friend of mine had said she was leaving. I already have one going to leave soon. My friend and I are breaking up. We are seperating it is not cool. Who is next? I am only staying at the school I am for this organization which I am Co. Leader sort of like a vice president. If it wasn't for that grpoup I would be long gone. SERIOUSLY! I am tired of life already.

I think I am going back to the bad

I think I am becoming the old me and it's not cool. I don't want to become the old me it was depressing and I feel that way. I am losing energy, don't care, and am rude most of the time unless I feel like being nice. I don't know what is wrong with me. Well acually I do but I don't know. I my secret is like using me as a robot sorta. It is the one who is controlling me and it's not ok. I feel like I need to get back to the energy girl that nevered stopped but I can't. There are two people in me. Abad one and a good one. The bad one is saying go for it be the bad one. The good one is saying No what about your future? The bad one says I have no future. Who do I listen to? I am going towards the bad one and not the good anymore. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? I don't know what to do.

Yesterday I thought my friend would get mad

I wasn't sure if I should let my friend see the poems I had wrote because some were mean and most of them were about her. I let her take it home and today I am like are you mad at me because of what I wrote. She's like no. How could I be mad at you for writing the truth? I was glad she wasn't mad at me. I care for her so much though. I mean she wrote a poem back to me in the journal and it melted my heart. Everything she wrote was so true and had a lot of meaning. I am glad she is my friend but ever since I told her my secret nothings is right. I see a look in her eyes that I've never even seen before. Well I have but not like that. I saw a concerned look in her eyes and she even told me herself she is. I think to myself I shouldn't have told her. Then I think I can't hide anything from her. She always knows everything. I bet she didn't know the new secret. She was close but didn't hit the right key yet. I just wish she would understand why my secret is controlling me. Now I feel lazy, not much energy and I think it's because this secret is controlling me to much. Oh my gosh! My friend was right. It is controlling me. Ok well I always ignore her like she is wrong but she is always right. I owe her an apology wow. I am realizing everything now. I guess I am as mean as she says or acually meaner. I feel bad.