Yesterday I thought my friend would get mad

I wasn't sure if I should let my friend see the poems I had wrote because some were mean and most of them were about her. I let her take it home and today I am like are you mad at me because of what I wrote. She's like no. How could I be mad at you for writing the truth? I was glad she wasn't mad at me. I care for her so much though. I mean she wrote a poem back to me in the journal and it melted my heart. Everything she wrote was so true and had a lot of meaning. I am glad she is my friend but ever since I told her my secret nothings is right. I see a look in her eyes that I've never even seen before. Well I have but not like that. I saw a concerned look in her eyes and she even told me herself she is. I think to myself I shouldn't have told her. Then I think I can't hide anything from her. She always knows everything. I bet she didn't know the new secret. She was close but didn't hit the right key yet. I just wish she would understand why my secret is controlling me. Now I feel lazy, not much energy and I think it's because this secret is controlling me to much. Oh my gosh! My friend was right. It is controlling me. Ok well I always ignore her like she is wrong but she is always right. I owe her an apology wow. I am realizing everything now. I guess I am as mean as she says or acually meaner. I feel bad.