DragonFly had a party that was so fun.

My friend Dragonfly had a party at the gallary of pecos. She is awesome. We played limbo (almost broke my back), and had a drawing contest or whatev it's called. lol. halloween is tmorrow i am not so much excited i don't want to go trick or treating but then I do. I am tottally out of it so g2g.

I'm a bratty little princess

for halloween. lol. I consider myslef a princess and bratty so why not put it together? I am being someone I am instead of someone I am not. LOL. It will be fun.

this is me.

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)

I think I might have this. Someone told me today to look this up. I am like why what is it? She said just look it up because I think you may have it. I am like is it bad? She read me a little about it. I am like oh my gosh. Then when I looked it up online, I am like wait I have most of these symptoms. What do I do? So I am not sure. Hopefully I will know soon. It can be treated but, it will take time.

What's happening with the teenzies?

Oh my gosh. We have some who can't attend anymore or only once a week we have some who jusr don't know and some who don't want to do it. We lost one for sure, one can only come once a week, one doesn't want to, the other has a situation which is understandable. We lost one and earned one. We ave a new teenzie member which is Nikki. She jumped right in the group. She is like not the type to isolate herself and I like that. She is new an gives us her ideas. Well the other day I was like so MAD cuz I saw it wasn't working. How we had everything and it just in a blink went away. Now we have options. We want to help charity. We have like four or five people who are going to help us and get us involved as volunteers. To help kids in our community and kids that are not in our community.

My mom

I luv my mommy. Except yesterday she told me she doesn't luv me (in a joking way). I said fine then I am moving out (dramaticly). She told me BYE. Her own daughter and I am only 14 years YOUNG. I was shocked. I am like I can't live out ther by myself. It's fun to joke with her though.

I am glad I to to hang out with one of my favorite people.

Yesterday I got to hang out with dragonfly. It was only 30 minutes or so but it is better then nothing. I told her how I've been and all. She was babysitting this adorable little one. Even though the little one drouled on my neck it was great. We basicly just sat down talking most of the time. I got to see her dog again. I missed that dog. Bella is the dog's name. She has innocent eyes. Dragonfly's dog sorta looks like the dog from the little mermaid. lol. Thank you dragonfly for the invite.

BRATTY KATTY!

ok well I am bratty katty for a reason. I'm katty and bratty. It's either my way or NO way. If I don't want to lets say color as a clss assignment in color pencils and I want to use markers I ask if they say NO I say ok then NO work. It really bother people. Hmm. Anyway it happened this week I didn't want to paint I wantd to use crayons so I didn't get MY way so I didn't do anything. The teacher was mad. She hates when I am like this. I miss T mama. (tears). Our sub is so boring, rude, and just annpying to me. I mean don't getme wrong I am annoying but I'm not boring. I am a princess of my own.

I danced on saturday well both my friend cit-cat and I did. We did great. Here is a picture of us almost ready to perform.

Teenzie mama where did you go?

I'm devastaded. My favorite teacher Ms. Duran's last day was today. She is also the teenzie mama, or as she said T mama. LOL. Well I know she will be happy. I also know she will still keep in touch with the teenzies. WHOO! teenzies rock. She knows we love her. Well if she reads this. Just tell me if you are happy and what you are doing ok.

I planned a party for my sponsor!

OK well my group and I decisded to have a bake sale to raise money for our organization and I thought dsince our sponsor is leaving why not throw her a party to show we care about her. We just got to let the principal and staff in on it. We did it. I bought cake soda and plates inc. Two of my friend bought chips. Oh i brought the dip too. Well so the counsler played a part in on it and said her son and one of the members in my group were fighting. My sponsor is like no way. When my sponsor walked in we yelled surprise and she is like OH MY GOODNESS! She asked why we did it I am like cuz we luv ya. Then I was asked to speak as an individual and I didn't know what to say. So I just said I will tell you why we did this. We id this because as much as we don't want you to go we do because we know you will be happy and that will make us happy and we care for you. She teared a little and gave me a hug. Then my friend Roxy tralked and my sponsor is like roxy I think that is the most I heard you talk. I am like grpup hug and my sponosor is like WAIT you guys are all using deotorent right? We are like yeah and she loved it. I was dramatic and talked in both a elegent accent and surfer guy accent it was fun. lol. she enjoyed it alot. lol. Well she knows we luv her and care for her.

I am bored now.

I am currently at my aunties wating for my mom to take me and my cousin shopping. I need more clothes. lol. My mom is cool. I have school tomorrow on tuesday. Today is a holiday so I didn't have school today. I am sick. I have a cough, a cold and my throat hurts. I can't smell or taste my food. I don't like to be sick. lol oh well right?

I have this ex-boyfriend

I have this ex of mine and he wants to get back together. Do I say yes? I really like him and all but he broke my heart so bad. We went out for 7 onths. I know that is a long time. I broke up with him 3 days before my birthday. What a great gift right? [no I was devastaded]. He lied and he cheated. I still would like him to givehim a second chance but if he does it again and I say yes again it will be continuously. I like how he acts like a gentlemen for me though. Aww his eyes are so amazing.

SOME OF MY FRIENDS DON'T STOP!

I have this huge secret and some of my friend keep getting on my case. I have this friend named vanessa and this friend named Diane. Diane is my mentor who I care for so much. Vanessa keeps getting on my case. If someone is going to get on my case it is only one person who is Diane. I trust her the most besides another person. I don't like my friends to tell me to stop doing this stop doing that. Wait I know I tell them that but it seems different. Isn't it? Isn't it different? Well to continue on Vanessa keeps emailing me that my secret seems unreal to her. However, Diane knows it is in effect. What do I do? I wish I could tell Vanessa just to stop but it's not that easy. Vanessa is my frined not my enemy. Diane can talk to me but not anyone else because Diane's words help me not just make me think to be worse.

I am so sad

My friend said her last day was on thursday she is moving. we have the same name and think alike sometimes. LOL. we have some blond moments together and our laughs. well we will keep in touch. My weekend is alright I went to Las Crucas just got back. I saw my little munchkin Halia who lives in texas. I saw her at a maze it was ok. It was mostly for little kids. well at least i had my cousin. lol

NOTHING IS RIGHT NOR WILL EVER BE!

Nothing seems right. This is not me. Who am I? I am confused. I feel so lost like all alone. I am not though I have all my friends here with me. I don't remember who I though I was. All I remember is being strong with my head held high. Now look at me my head looking at the floor. I am weak. It is like there is nothing else here. The world is so big but will I ever find the right place? No I don't think I will. Well what do I do? I know I got to keep everything together but I can't it is to much.
My friend is right I always focus on the hurt. She wrote a poem just for me. It is talking about me. I can't understand the person I am to be. How all I want to do is focus on the hurt and cry. God gave me wings so I could fly. How I feel like dirt. How one day the clouds will open up. Then the light of the sun will fill my cup. Those are acuall parts of this poem. here it is:

Why can't she see the girl she is meant to be?
God gave heer wings so she can fly but all she wants to do is cry
and
focus on the what hurts. She feels like dirt.
But one day the clouds will open up and the light of the sun will truly fill her cup.

Doesn't that melt your heart? It is all true all of it. This poem is so true and pure. She made this all for me.

SOMEONE HELP ME FIND MYSELF!

I'm lost and confused. What is the point of life? I hear to live and die there is no point of life. It is your job to find that out. What is it? Sometime I think well yeah to live and die. Then I think to fnd a way to praise in what I believe in. I don't know the right answer. I feel like this world is so depressing. I don't want to be in a depressing place. Today a friend of mine had said she was leaving. I already have one going to leave soon. My friend and I are breaking up. We are seperating it is not cool. Who is next? I am only staying at the school I am for this organization which I am Co. Leader sort of like a vice president. If it wasn't for that grpoup I would be long gone. SERIOUSLY! I am tired of life already.

I think I am going back to the bad

I think I am becoming the old me and it's not cool. I don't want to become the old me it was depressing and I feel that way. I am losing energy, don't care, and am rude most of the time unless I feel like being nice. I don't know what is wrong with me. Well acually I do but I don't know. I my secret is like using me as a robot sorta. It is the one who is controlling me and it's not ok. I feel like I need to get back to the energy girl that nevered stopped but I can't. There are two people in me. Abad one and a good one. The bad one is saying go for it be the bad one. The good one is saying No what about your future? The bad one says I have no future. Who do I listen to? I am going towards the bad one and not the good anymore. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? I don't know what to do.

Yesterday I thought my friend would get mad

I wasn't sure if I should let my friend see the poems I had wrote because some were mean and most of them were about her. I let her take it home and today I am like are you mad at me because of what I wrote. She's like no. How could I be mad at you for writing the truth? I was glad she wasn't mad at me. I care for her so much though. I mean she wrote a poem back to me in the journal and it melted my heart. Everything she wrote was so true and had a lot of meaning. I am glad she is my friend but ever since I told her my secret nothings is right. I see a look in her eyes that I've never even seen before. Well I have but not like that. I saw a concerned look in her eyes and she even told me herself she is. I think to myself I shouldn't have told her. Then I think I can't hide anything from her. She always knows everything. I bet she didn't know the new secret. She was close but didn't hit the right key yet. I just wish she would understand why my secret is controlling me. Now I feel lazy, not much energy and I think it's because this secret is controlling me to much. Oh my gosh! My friend was right. It is controlling me. Ok well I always ignore her like she is wrong but she is always right. I owe her an apology wow. I am realizing everything now. I guess I am as mean as she says or acually meaner. I feel bad.

I am so sad

ok well I told a freind a secret I have wanting ot share with her and it is like too much. I know she is not going to pretend what I told her isn't said. I know she is concerned and I am fine and my problems are mine. Its just I wish I could tell her the aswer to everything and I can't. It hurts to have her even say a word about my new secret. I don't know what to do.

CAN U BELIEVEMY OWN FAMILY?

ugg my mom is so mean. Frogs aremyfavorite animal and my mom ismakinf froglegs fordinner andonly my little brothernathanielisrefusing to eat them beside me I am goingon a hunger strike and if it doesnt work im gonna become avegatarian. at the moment i dont care about correcting this or grammer. ugg my own mother. One ofmy mentors adopt me now be my foster mama. My own family how sad is that. I do have tears and it breaks my heart to see them eat frogs. My mentors have ate frog legs before they said and it gets me mad but not in front of me. my brother says it tastres like chicken ugg i feel like smaking him upside his head.