NOTHING IS RIGHT NOR WILL EVER BE!

Nothing seems right. This is not me. Who am I? I am confused. I feel so lost like all alone. I am not though I have all my friends here with me. I don't remember who I though I was. All I remember is being strong with my head held high. Now look at me my head looking at the floor. I am weak. It is like there is nothing else here. The world is so big but will I ever find the right place? No I don't think I will. Well what do I do? I know I got to keep everything together but I can't it is to much.
My friend is right I always focus on the hurt. She wrote a poem just for me. It is talking about me. I can't understand the person I am to be. How all I want to do is focus on the hurt and cry. God gave me wings so I could fly. How I feel like dirt. How one day the clouds will open up. Then the light of the sun will fill my cup. Those are acuall parts of this poem. here it is:

Why can't she see the girl she is meant to be?
God gave heer wings so she can fly but all she wants to do is cry
and
focus on the what hurts. She feels like dirt.
But one day the clouds will open up and the light of the sun will truly fill her cup.

Doesn't that melt your heart? It is all true all of it. This poem is so true and pure. She made this all for me.

SOMEONE HELP ME FIND MYSELF!

I'm lost and confused. What is the point of life? I hear to live and die there is no point of life. It is your job to find that out. What is it? Sometime I think well yeah to live and die. Then I think to fnd a way to praise in what I believe in. I don't know the right answer. I feel like this world is so depressing. I don't want to be in a depressing place. Today a friend of mine had said she was leaving. I already have one going to leave soon. My friend and I are breaking up. We are seperating it is not cool. Who is next? I am only staying at the school I am for this organization which I am Co. Leader sort of like a vice president. If it wasn't for that grpoup I would be long gone. SERIOUSLY! I am tired of life already.

I think I am going back to the bad

I think I am becoming the old me and it's not cool. I don't want to become the old me it was depressing and I feel that way. I am losing energy, don't care, and am rude most of the time unless I feel like being nice. I don't know what is wrong with me. Well acually I do but I don't know. I my secret is like using me as a robot sorta. It is the one who is controlling me and it's not ok. I feel like I need to get back to the energy girl that nevered stopped but I can't. There are two people in me. Abad one and a good one. The bad one is saying go for it be the bad one. The good one is saying No what about your future? The bad one says I have no future. Who do I listen to? I am going towards the bad one and not the good anymore. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? I don't know what to do.

Yesterday I thought my friend would get mad

I wasn't sure if I should let my friend see the poems I had wrote because some were mean and most of them were about her. I let her take it home and today I am like are you mad at me because of what I wrote. She's like no. How could I be mad at you for writing the truth? I was glad she wasn't mad at me. I care for her so much though. I mean she wrote a poem back to me in the journal and it melted my heart. Everything she wrote was so true and had a lot of meaning. I am glad she is my friend but ever since I told her my secret nothings is right. I see a look in her eyes that I've never even seen before. Well I have but not like that. I saw a concerned look in her eyes and she even told me herself she is. I think to myself I shouldn't have told her. Then I think I can't hide anything from her. She always knows everything. I bet she didn't know the new secret. She was close but didn't hit the right key yet. I just wish she would understand why my secret is controlling me. Now I feel lazy, not much energy and I think it's because this secret is controlling me to much. Oh my gosh! My friend was right. It is controlling me. Ok well I always ignore her like she is wrong but she is always right. I owe her an apology wow. I am realizing everything now. I guess I am as mean as she says or acually meaner. I feel bad.

I am so sad

ok well I told a freind a secret I have wanting ot share with her and it is like too much. I know she is not going to pretend what I told her isn't said. I know she is concerned and I am fine and my problems are mine. Its just I wish I could tell her the aswer to everything and I can't. It hurts to have her even say a word about my new secret. I don't know what to do.

CAN U BELIEVEMY OWN FAMILY?

ugg my mom is so mean. Frogs aremyfavorite animal and my mom ismakinf froglegs fordinner andonly my little brothernathanielisrefusing to eat them beside me I am goingon a hunger strike and if it doesnt work im gonna become avegatarian. at the moment i dont care about correcting this or grammer. ugg my own mother. One ofmy mentors adopt me now be my foster mama. My own family how sad is that. I do have tears and it breaks my heart to see them eat frogs. My mentors have ate frog legs before they said and it gets me mad but not in front of me. my brother says it tastres like chicken ugg i feel like smaking him upside his head.

OK on Saturday I was helping a friend with her Yard Sale

I was helping my friend with her Yard Sale and she asks me all these questions and some I answer no even if the real answer is yes. I feel bad for lying but I can't let her know the truth because I'm afraid she will give me a bad reaction. I know she cares for me and wants to know if I'm honest with her and I know that she knows when I'm lying to her itslike no matter what I say she will know the right answer. I just don'tlike todiscuss something I'm not readyto share with her. It probably hurts her a little and I apoligize to her but its not enough for me. I mean she says yeah I forgive you and I know she really does but it doesn't help me feel better. Maybe I would feel better if I told her the truth ALL the time but NO I hold back. I shut down, and ignore. I don'tlike when she tells her friends that I give her alook as if she is stupid. Shesnot stupid at all. She tells her freinds I ignore her and when she asks me something I hear her but don't answer. I know I do but I don'tknow what to say or am better off ot saying nothing at all. She said if I were her daughter and didn't listen she would shave my head. I am like igg how mean is that. My mommy wouldn't do that to me. I wish I could tell her everything the moment it comes instead of holding back and stop any bad reaction. Unfortunatly I don't have that power. I tell her she is mean and she says so am I. I asked her when was the last time I was mean to you? Shes like this morning when you gave my friend a bigger hug. It kinda slipped out but I said NO thats jealousy. I was mean again I didn't mean to say that though. She thinks i'm like nervous all the time because I'm always like walking around and moving my feet and I can't stop. I do that when somethings on my mind and won't go away till I resolve that or forget about it. The look in her eyes though. Its like she knos I'm hiding something.